shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love having hate sex.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
