Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
