You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
