are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
