Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im holly from the hills drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
