So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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