So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
