I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
