For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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