This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.