What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.