I smell stomach acid.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal