Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
