My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
