I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
