I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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