Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
