So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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