just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
