I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
