Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
