i need an iv and a liver transplant
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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