This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize