I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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