the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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