i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
