took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize