omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
