Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
