she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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