Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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