Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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