Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
