I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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