Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
