new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
