Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
