I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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