Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
