Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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