I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize