Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
