kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He passed out mid-signature
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
