Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
