He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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