Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
