I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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