She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize