Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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