Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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