THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
