I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
