You work out of a Hotel?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
