the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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