It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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