people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
