my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
