Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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