Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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