Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
