my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
