why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
