cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
