oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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