after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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